Ally McBeal Stress Reduction Kit

1. Print this page. Place this on the wall, 
preferably on the door. Make sure it is at eye level.
2. Step back about 1 (one) foot from this sign.
3. Memorize the following directions.
4. Count to three.
5. Bang your head against the circle above.
6. Place your head firmly against the circle.
7. Say "I have, my health," slowly.
8. When done saying that, wait half a second.
9. Remove your head from the circle, and step back
 to the standing position with your head about 1
 (one) foot from the wall (door).
10. Repeat steps 5 through 9 until you are feeling better, or until your head hurts too much.
11. Go back to Arthur Tham's Ally McBeal site at

If someone inside of the room while you are banging your head, say, "Sorry. Is this going to be a problem? I can't do anything about it, but I'd be happy to sympathize. Bygones!"
Warning - Use of this kit could result in a headache or other side effects in some people. This kit has not been approved by the AMA or FDA. No research has been done on its effectiveness. Use at your own risk. By placing your head in contact with the circle above, you agree to void all rights to sue for any reason. This includes, but is not exclusive to, physical or mental injury of any sort. This is inspired by two scenes from Pilot and Hundred Tears Away.